God's Exquisite Garden

THE IDEAL MOTHER (PART 1)

The relationship between the mother and her daughter should be one that will cause happiness in the home. No matter what occurs in the family, they need to be relaxed and able to speak with each other. Uppermost there should be love.

A teenage daughter is always her mother’s harshest critic. When the mother makes a mistake, her daughter will go to great lengths to point it out to her. She will let you know that when she becomes a mother she will not make the same mistakes with her children. She will say hurtful things just to see your painful look, but that is when she actually loves you.

But, mothers need to try to comprehend that when your daughter begins raising her family, she will not see these mistakes as so critical. These mistakes will not harm or warp your daughter.

Such are the trials of a mother who trains her child for civilization and more importantly for heaven. If enough love is shown during the training period the mom will usually be successful in parenting. As in her training, the mother needs to incorporate forbearance, longsuffering, perseverance, patience and composure. Never forget the slogan," This too shall pass."

We have noticed the ideas that an ideal mother will need. We will now notice ten things a mother needs to pray and think about as she desires to become as close to an ideal mother as she can. We know perfection can’t be reached. A mother needs to continually try to be exemplary if she is to be pleasing to God and a success in making a home as God planned for it to be. Mothers, if you already possess the good qualities we will notice in this lesson, how thankful you should be! If you realize that you have the faults we will describe, you should be big enough to admit that you have them, and then plan for some hard work to change before it is too late! We will look at different characteristics of the ideal mother of a teenage daughter.

1.An Exemplary Mother Will Not Demand Love

She won’t tell her daughter to love her just because she brought her into the world. She should not think it is her daughter's duty to love her. A mother needs to show that she deserves love. She needs to act in such a way that will cause the child to love her.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

God does not want us to love Him just because He is our Father, and we have the commandment to love Him. We love Him because of His goodness and the grace He has shown to us.

We lose the joy of loving when it is demanded of us. There are too many mothers who get their daughters to help by saying, "If you loved me you would want to help." Neither should mothers try to get their daughters to tell them everything that happens on a date, at school or at a party, nor to tell every secret she has. Then when the daughter refuses to tell, Mother says: ," Well, you don't love me, or you would tell me." Think how guilty you have made her feel! Think how angry and resentful she will become! Be assured that it will be shown in many different ways. A demanding, possessive love will cause your daughter to hold back the love she really does feel in her heart for you.

2. She will be kind when offering criticism

She will not be hypercritical. Judging the good and the bad is the definition of critical and hyper means over.

This will show the love and concern of the mother. But to be hypercritical means that she is too hard to please, that she constantly watches for and talks about all of her daughter's faults, while not complimenting equally her good traits.

When our children constantly hear from their parents constant talk about their faults, they feel as if they are on trial. They will become unhappy, and finally too discouraged. No one is immune to any censorship because of unwise or bad things we do. But when our daughter is constantly hearing criticism from us, we are hindering our efforts to do better. Psychologists tell us the craving for appreciation is one of the deepest needs in human nature.

3. She will use good judgment when guiding her daughter's choice of friends

When the daughter’s friends are criticized, this immediately puts her on the defense. So the generation gap is stretched a little bit wider. Mothers do have to decide at times that certain ones are not desirable friends. The Bible teaches that evil companions corrupt good morals. But prior to telling your daughter to stop associating with a friend, both of you need to try to help change the things in a friend's life that are wrong. If your daughter is asked to help in doing this, the problem is usually solved.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV)

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Colossians 4:6 (NKJV)

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 31:26 (NKJV)

4. She will not correct in an unkind, or demeaning way

For instance, when your child breaks or spills something, you immediately say, " You never listen. I believe you are the clumsiest girl I've ever seen and I think you always will be!" Well, you have told her that she is clumsy. You have elaborated on the fact that she never listens, and that she will always be that way. You have tried your hardest to convince her, and this usually happens! It would be much better to say, "Well, here’s a sponge. Why don’t you mop it up before it spills everywhere." I don’t think that anyone breaks or spills something purposefully. Possibly this happens because they are careless.

When hateful or hypercritical things are said after something has happened, it certainly cannot improve or make things right or better.

5. She will let her daughter know that she trusts her.

This needs to be done. If the daughter thinks her mom trusts her, how much more will she try to live up to that trust. If each girl is encouraged, trusted and believed in, the best in her is brought out. Make it known to her that you have confidence in her.

Don’t fall into the category of being a mother who is terrified that her daughter will do something wrong and wants to know all she does. When she goes on a date, don’t keep trying to pry the information from her. When she knows that Mom trusts her, she will desire to talk to her mother. Girls do not like pressure. In talking with girls, I have found the less I ask and speak, the more they are willing to say.

When a mom has neglected to train her daughter to behave, she is less likely to act appropriately. That is the reason a mother trains her daughter early. When a daughter fails, the mother needs to forgive and continue trusting. That is the way our Lord forgives. When we duplicate God’s loving actions, our daughters will many times do better.

" Everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this proverb about you: 'Like mother, like daughter.'" Ezekiel 16:44

Discussion and study questions:
1) What is he definition of critical?
2) How do daughters feel when mothers are constantly talking about their faults?
3) What will a demanding, possessive love do?
4) What happens when a mother has neglected to train her daughter early on how to behave?
5) What needs to be done for our daughters to do better?

Copyright 2007 Linda Lawrence